Selah.
I promised I'd send this one.
Hiiiii.
(Say hiii backkkkk.)
I almost didn’t send this because every version of it felt incomplete, but maybe incomplete things deserve to exist too. Exams have taken enough from me already, so I stopped forcing words out of myself for a while.
I’m still not done, but I’m currently on a tiny break thanks to the public holiday. A small mercy. I’ll take it.
How are you? I hope life has been kind where you are.
If you asked me how I’ve been, I think I’d say I’m simply trying to make it through this season. I’m not even chasing “fine” anymore. I just want to rest. I want to go home.
I’ve been having so many thoughts lately, and this still feels like the safest place to put them.
One thing I keep thinking about is how personal my writing has become. These days, I mostly write for myself. I don’t really have think pieces or hot takes or clever conversations to contribute right now. And for a while I worried that maybe I wasn’t “contributing” enough because of that.
But honestly? I like writing the soft things. I love writing several entries on “The kids are alright” I love my monthly letters, The reflective things. I like leaving pieces of myself in sentences and watching you read it and hold it gently. I think there is something about being understood someway and maybe that counts as giving back too.
Last Sunday, the Sunday school teacher said: “Love does not mean accommodation.”
That sentence has been following me around ever since.
It made me think about all the things people endure in the name of love. And sometimes the most honest form of love is stepping back when staying begins to cost you your peace, your clarity and even your sense of self.
Apart from all this, I still don’t entirely know what I’m doing with my life these days, but maybe nobody really does. Maybe we’re all just hoping the next morning makes a little more sense than the last one did.
But despite all the rogbodiyan (wahala), God has been kind to me. Truly kind.
And I think one of the sweetest things lately is that I’ve actually been aware of it. Conscious of His goodness instead of rushing past it.
It reminds me of Feyi—’s writing about how God is the God of her life. Since then, I’ve been gently reminding myself too: “Bisayo, God is the God of your life.”
Not just a distant God. Not just God in theory. But the God of my life specifically.
I think I worry too much for a child so deeply held by God. I exhaust myself trying to anticipate every outcome when all along, heaven has been paying attention to me lovingly.
Dear God, thank You for being the God of my life.
Before you go.💌
This is my current favourite song, and I don’t even know how to explain it properly. It feels personal in a way that almost makes me pause every time I listen.
And I just sit with it and think: what a God. Thank You, God, for being God.
I'd like you to listen to it too.
I think I'm done, I’ve tried writing this letter at least four times since last week. Every version felt unfinished somehow. I’d read it back and think, “What exactly am I trying to say?”
Maybe it isn’t self-doubt. Maybe I’m simply tired in a way that makes thoughts blur at the edges.
Still, I promised myself I’d send this one.
I’ll write you a proper letter later, when I feel a little lighter and a little more like myself again. Probably from my room at home, where everything feels better.
Thank youu. Please write me back!<3
Jomi, God the God of your life. 🥹
thank you for writing to uss💗
Hiiii Bisayo.
Success in your exams and strength to youu!
This is an honest and beautiful piece, thank you for writing to us!💗
God is the God of my life!💗