Interlude.

A letter to uncertainty.

I feel like I don't know who I am anymore.

‎I find it difficult to know what I want. Understanding my thoughts and processing my feelings hasn't been the best, lately.

‎I feel like it's obvious I don't know what I'm doing, I wonder if you see it too.

‎Maybe it's the way confusion dances around my eyelids or the way I curl my fist when I'm asked a question. Either ways, I know I don't like questions anymore, definitely not the one that alters my system.

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‎At 14 I learnt how to balance my divided life. Half of what still feels like a movie. I can't vividly remember anything that happened in my life...still I get flashbacks as clear as the night sky, or maybe it was made of dreams I convinced myself actually happened.

‎At 16 I learnt I could be more than one thing. That I was 16 and didn't have to act “not 16”. I was just 16 and being just 16 was okay. But deep down even at 16, I knew I wasn't 16.

‎Right now I've come to loathe the concept of age. Yet something familiar tells me to embrace it as a blessing rather than a curse. I wonder if I'll yield.

‎This feeling of uncertainty causes some kind of fogginess I've found hard to explain. Because truly, I'd rather be uprooted than planted in the middle ground.

‎Sufficiently, I have a brain that works, a mind that thinks and a heart that feels. ‎Love, I've also learnt is quite a familiar language to me.

‎Today will become tomorrow just like always. Everything I want, I'll get and nothing that has been written concerning me will disappear into thin air.

No-one knows tomorrow, except the One who wrote it. So I don't have to.

I know today, and I'm here knowing this is the least I'll ever know.

‎Perhaps age isn't chasing me after all.

Perhaps it has been waiting patiently for me to stop running.

:⁠)